I Don't Know
by LucyHRose
Summary: One-Shot: "My life was pointless. What was the point in me living if I was just born to die. No one understands me, no one ever will. I have to live with this pain. Each and every day, I come much closer to death. There was no need of my life. It was a waste. That is what I thought long ago. Until... I met her. She changed me and showed me a new way to see life. She smiled for me."


_It was long ago._

 _Once did it happen._

 _Before I was led astray._

* * *

It was when I was just a simple teenager. Living my life as always. Hiding in fear of people who would soon find out about our family's curse. I was born to die, that's what the adults then told me. I hated thinking that. What was the point of me being born at all in the world, if I was destined to die?

I held the so-called 'core' of my family's curse, thus making me the head of the family. It made me frustrated, annoyed and I didn't know what to do with myself. Why did I even exist? I had the core of the curse, but the only thing that it granted me was the control over anyone who lived with our curse.

My life was pointless. This curse was pointless. No one even asked me, they just told me I was to die. Was there even a point to this? Why should I even be alive? When people find out about our curse, they begin to reject us. Shun us. Hate us. Pointless and I was the center of it all. Each and everyday, I came closer to death.

That's what I had thought. Until I met... _her_. A girl in my class of 3rd year middle school.

Her name Asuka Atsuko, meaning tomorrow fragrance and true warmth. She was true to her name. So full of warmth and always seemed to look forward to tomorrow. She was bright and always smiling. A girl so full of life, determination, happiness and kindness.

I always thought that she and I were polar opposites. Never meant to interact with each other. Even so, I knew that while I was meant to die... she out of everyone in the school was meant to live. She brought color to the class. Everyone knowing her and being her friend. No one rejected her.

As such, I kept my distance from her. I had no friends during my school years and I always went out to be alone during the breaks. I felt much more at peace when I was alone. But she changed my thoughts. She changed what I had thought because of what came out of our first meeting.

* * *

I was on the roof. Keeping my distance from other students as always. It was lunch time and I was the only Sohma at the school. People thought I was the cool, quiet type and it sickened me how people were so shallow. They tried to worm their way into my life, but they always failed.

But I never thought that she would find me. Her of all people.

"Whew... finally I got away from them..."

It was shocking. To hear someone's voice on the roof that wasn't my own. I looked up and there she was. She had closed the door and turned around. We both made eye contact and she looked surprised as I was to see her. But then she did something I did not expect. She smiled and sat with me taking out her lunch.

"Hey, you're Akito Sohma right? Cool, I don't know if you know me but I'm Asuka Atsuko and I'm in your class!"

At first, I didn't think twice and just wished that she would go away. She and I never really talked in class, so we don't typically know each other, so why was she trying to talk to me. I only ignored her greeting and introduction and continued eating my lunch.

But that was a mistake. Even though there were only a few more minutes until lunch was over, I wish I left the roof and went back to class anyway. I realized that day how much of a talkative person she was. She just couldn't stop talking and I tried my best to ignore it.

"Hey... am I bothering you?" She asked.

"Huh?"

"If I'm bothering you, just say so." She told me. "You're just really quiet in class and you don't talk to anyone so... I thought..."

At the time, I thought she was foolish. Why would she even take the time to try and be friends with me? It was stupid of her to try and worm her way into my life like all the others. They failed before her, so why would she succeed? After today, she wouldn't come back up here anyway.

But I was wrong.

The next day, she did come back. She came back and ate her lunch sitting beside me again. She didn't talk as much as she did yesterday, but she certainly talked a lot nevertheless. No one ever took the effort to talk to me when all I ever do to them is ignore their words. But she put in more effort than it's worth.

She was kind to me even when we weren't on the roof. But it wasn't any extreme kindness to the point where she would actually talk to me instead of her other friends in the class. It was small acts like helping deliver things to the faculty room since there was too much to carry alone. Things like that.

She continued doing these things throughout the year and people were slightly amazed that I even accepted her help. I don't even know why I accepted her help in the first place. I hated to admit it but it felt... nice. But there was no way I would admit that to her.

* * *

It soon became a regular thing for Asuka to meet me on the roof. Even though I didn't speak at all, she did all the talking for me and I actually kind of liked her company. She always talked to me and smiled too. But during this one particular meeting, I wondered why she even wanted to talk with me in the first place.

"Hey..."

"Huh?" She asked.

"Why do you even bother with me?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're always being kind to me... why?"

Once I asked that, I assumed that she would laugh off my question and say something ridiculous like 'because I wanted to be your friend' or something like that. But she decided to surprise me even more. She only smiled at me before leaning back on the wall behind her and looked at the sky.

"I... don't know."

I hadn't expected an answer like that. She doesn't know? Why wouldn't she know, she must have a reason. No one does something for no reason. I hid my eyes under my bangs and just continued to eat my lunch. Regretting that I ever even asked her anything.

"You lack life." She continued. "You seem distant and you're always alone."

I looked at her as I was taken aback. She could tell? She could see that I lacked life? No she's just saying that because I barely talk in class and the fact I hardly try in anything I do. She couldn't possibly know that my life was short could she? There was no way it was true.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice that she went in front of me and leaned closer with pleading eyes. It was quiet and all I could do was stare. I didn't understand her. She made no sense to me. How could she - a person so full of life and kindness - see what a guy like me lack?

"Akito... you don't have to hide it from me y'know!" She suddenly said as my eyes widen. "I want to know why you're always alone. I want to help you Akito! I want to understand you more. Please."

I didn't know how to react. Instead, I laughed. I covered my eyes as I thought how foolish she was. Asuka wanted to know more about she, she wanted to help me. She wanted to understand me. We're both complete opposites. So... how in any way could she understand me?

"You're a fool..." I mumbled.

"Huh?" She asked.

"How could someone like you ever understand me? You were born to live. You are full of life. You can't understand me. No one has ever told you since the day you were born, you were meant to die..."

I didn't even knew I said that out loud. All I knew was that I had stood up, looking away from her and staring off into the distance down below us. But she stared at me with shocked eyes by what I had said. But what she did next changed me. I can still remember her words clearly.

"It must have been hard..." She said. "To be told that you were only born so you could die?"

I turned to her with an angered look, but it quickly changed to shock and confusion as I looked at her. Her golden hair flowing along with the wind as she smiled at me. Such a sincere smile. But that wasn't what shocked me the most. It was the fact she was crying. Small tears falling from her face.

"I could only imagine... if it were me, I'd be terrified."

"Shut up! What do you know!? You're just a girl full of life, you couldn't understand my pain!"

Asuka never looked away from me as I yelled, nor did her smile falter. The tears just kept falling and I could see her tremble slightly. She looked horrible as she didn't even try to hold back her tears and just kept smiling at me. But that just irritated me even more.

"I'm sure... that if you were to die, those close to you would... be very sad."

"No they wouldn't." I immediately replied as she looked at me puzzled. "They'd be glad that I died. Everyone in my family... they just constantly remind me how much closer I am to death. My life... is a waste."

"That's not true-"

"It is true. Accept that fact now." I said coldly.

She never said anything for awhile. She just stood up and stayed in her place. Her fists were clenched as I could see her tremble. The tears from her eyes not stopping and she gnashed her teeth. I only stood in front of her with a blank stare. _She would never understand._

"How can you say that?" She suddenly mumbled.

"Excuse me?"

"You're alive right now aren't you!?" She shouted.

My eyes widened at that. She never raised her voice at all. Not to anyone from what I saw in class. She was always laughing and smiling. But here she was, standing in front of me with the angriest face I've ever seen on her. Her eyes were narrowed and she looked like she was ready to yell.

"You can't say your life is a waste!" She continued. "Your life is precious just as any life on this Earth, do you hear me!? You're alive right now, Akito! So you can't just go and say your life is meaningless!"

I couldn't respond to her. There was no way I could respond to her. I don't even know if it was because she was crying or if she was telling me all the things I wanted to hear as a kid. I always thought my life meant nothing to the world, so I never really cared. It was decided when I was born, that I was going to die.

"Who decided that you were going to die, huh!? This is not an excuse to just openly say you are to die! You're alive right here, right now Akito!"

"Just get it in your head already! I'm-"

"No! If you were born only to die, you would be dead right now Akito! But you're not dead! You're alive so that means you have to live!"

"Stop it..."

"How can I!? How can I stop when you're treating yourself like this!?"

"Stop crying already!"

"I can't because you're hurting yourself while I'm here happy that I met you!"

I stopped. I froze. I didn't know what to say. I only fixed my posture and stared at the crying girl in front of me. She said that she was happy to have met me. When we didn't really talk to each other until now. When she said that my heart felt warm and fuzzy inside, something that I hadn't felt before in my life.

She had also calmed down, noticing that I had stopped yelling. I watched as she began to wipe her tears away. Her face was tear-stained and red from all the crying she'd done. I was dumbfounded by this girl. She was strange and different than I had thought of her. She was the first one who made my heart warm.

"I..." She said calm now. "I don't regret... meeting here with you Akito. I just wanted you to know that."

I gnashed my teeth and clenched my fists. "Why...? How can you be glad that you met me?"

"Huh?"

"I ignore you. I don't talk to you. I don't even acknowledge your presence at times. So... why?"

She finished wiping away her tears, some still left on her face. But yet, she still smiled at me as her face was flushed red from all the crying. She placed her arms behind her back and tilted her head as another gust of wind passed by us in the silence before she spoke again.

"I already said it, didn't I?"

I looked at her with wide eyes. "What?"

"I want to know you, Akito. I want you to tell me how you feel." She replied. "Even though you do all the things you just said, you still accept for my help and don't push me away while we're on the roof."

"But that's because-"

"Even if you're angry, annoyed or even irritated... I don't mind." She said. "It's alright because... you're alive."

I could only stare. She didn't care. Asuka didn't care if I was meant to die, if I ignored her or even if I'm rude towards her. All she cared about... was the fact I was alive. No one, not even my own parents, told me anything was okay because I was alive. She was the first one and I... was grateful for it.

So grateful that she was here. So grateful to her that... _I smiled._

"Asuka... thank you."

* * *

After that, Asuka and I began to actually hold conversations on the roof during lunch. I actually smiled more and she was happy that I was opening up to her more. I was glad that she was there. I never kept to myself when I was around her. She showed me a new angle on life.

She even began talking to me during breaks in class instead with her friends, which shocked most of the class. They were even shocked to see me smile while talking to her. I began living... because she changed the way I saw life. I was for once happy that I was alive. The thought of my life as pointless vanished from my mind.

Asuka understood me. I told her things about myself and the Sohma family and she never once rejected them. I even told her of the family's curse, but in the form of the story. She also accepted the curse happily. She understood things that no one did in the past. I thought that it would change for the better of the family.

I was happy. But then after a few months and we were both in our second year in high school, things began to change.

A rumor started going out about me. It started from an upperclassmen, but I don't know who. Naturally Asuka heard it as well, but ignored it. She told me to not listen to whichever jerk made up the rumor. Which I agreed. But that just made more rumors about me spread and Asuka was the only one to stay by my side.

But then, the worst happened.

Her parents had heard about the rumors and without her knowledge, planned a move. She found out on her last day at school, when her parents picked her up with a moving truck right behind them. She naturally got angry and argued with her parents why they were moving. She even protested when she heard it was because of the rumors about me.

But her parents didn't listen and forced her to enter the car. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and looked at me apologetically as they drove away. Later did I find out that the upperclassmen that spread the rumor, only did it in hopes that Asuka would leave me behind so he would go for her. I was disgusted.

His plan backfired on him and he played it off as if it was nothing. Like he never cared about her at all. But soon did I realize that the upperclassmen was the reason for my sorrow. The next day after I found about the upperclassmen, Asuka and her parents got into an accident and died.

I couldn't believe what I had heard. It happened late at night when it had happened, they were almost to their new house when all of a sudden the accident came. I was devastated and the upperclassmen that had made them move to such a far place acted like he had nothing to do with the move.

I couldn't even say a proper goodbye to her. If he hadn't spread the rumor, Asuka could've still been here laughing and smiling with all her heart like she was supposed to. But now she was gone. After that, the rumors still stayed and I was made fun of again. The thought of my life as a waste soon resurfacing from it's grave as I dropped out of school.

No one understood me. No one understood what our family has to go through. No one but she did. She accepted me and the family. She told me her honest opinions and there was no way that anyone would be able to understand us like she did. The only girl who could've known our curse, gone and deceased.

And that was when I lost sight in what Asuka had showed me.

I went astray and started being cruel to the people who were a part of the Zodiac Curse.

* * *

 _So why?_

Why is it that I see Asuka in this girl? Why is the image of Asuka suddenly resurfacing after all this time... because of Tohru Honda? This girl is nothing special. She is nothing like Asuka. This girl is a crybaby, clumsy and an airhead. She knows nothing. She is a nobody.

But why? Every time I see her face, Asuka appears right next to her. I don't understand it at all. She gets along with other members of the Zodiac, worming her way into their hearts. This girl learned of our family curse, something Asuka didn't and yet she didn't reject them.

Not even when she saw Kyo's true form. She accepted him. She cried for him. She brought him back to Shigure's house. It irritated me. That someone like her could be anything like Asuka. Too many painful memories brought back just because of this stupid girl's existence.

I grabbed her by the hair, while Yuki and Shigure held me back and Hatori watched the scene unfold. But then she started talking. Saying the same things she said. The same things Asuka said. Catching me off guard. I was surprised, it was like having a sense of deja vu. It was like looking back into the past.

But then she said the words I thought I would only hear once.

"I'm happy... I'm happy that I know you, Akito." She said. "And... I don't regret meeting you... or anyone. Not at all."

It was like looking at this girl's eyes, I could see it. The sorrowful eyes that Asuka had that day. There was no doubt. It was too familiar, too much the same and because of that... I couldn't look away. This girl reminded me of Asuka too much and I couldn't help but to see what she would say next as I held her hair tight.

"I wanna know you... please tell me how you feel." She continued. "Even if you're angry or bitter or frustrated... that's okay. Because the important thing is, right now Akito... you're alive."

My eyes widened in shock. She said the exact same thing Asuka did years ago. The very thing that made my heart feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I stared at Tohru for awhile. I couldn't look away. I could see her, I could see Asuka right there beside this girl. It was like she was sending her thoughts into Tohru to say to me.

I let go of her hair and slowly Yuki and Shigure let go of me too. But I just pushed them away to the ground. I backed up, looking up and away from the 4 in the room with me who were also in shock. But all I could see was Asuka there, smiling at me as she nodded. Then, she faded away still having that smile.

Then, I could only say the 3 words both Asuka told me when I asked her why she bothered with me and what Tohru said when I asked her why she had come to visit me.

 _"I don't know..."_

* * *

 **Hi! So this is just a little fanfic I thought about after re-watching Fruits Basket for like the 50th time. It was what I thought could've been the reason behind Akito's hate to Tohru and why he was so surprised by her words in the last episode kind of thing. I hope you liked it^^**

 **Please review to tell me what you think, favorite and follow please too!**

 **Ja ne~**


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